Johnny Depp V. Amber Heard

What up you sexy fucks. I am here today because I am gay. Wait nope, that’s a different newsletter.. Today I'm going to take some time to talk about the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case. I’ve got a bit of free time so I have been watching the trial in its entirety so that my opinion is informed.. Initially when the allegations were made public against Johnny Depp I was under the impression that he was the abuser. I’m not proud to admit that but that’s what I thought. That’s also why I got into this case, I wanted to know the truth. I had no evidence, no research, nothing. I just assumed he was the abuser because he's a man. But I've been getting really into this case because I very much connect with Johnny. Johnny grew up in an abusive home, I grew up in an abusive home as well. Johnny uses substances to numb his pain (especially the green), So did I. Johnny’s response to conflict is to flight or fawn. Samesies dude. See, a lot of people are familiar with the 3 F’s, fight, flight, and freeze, flight is kind of running away from danger or avoiding it. So for instance whenever there’s a heated argument taking place or there’s a lot of yelling, I try to leave the situation. It scares me. When there’s a lot of tension I sense from someone I avoid them. If I’m feeling upset or angry, I try to keep my mouth shut until I've processed in my head a logical way to respond instead of emotionally arguing and ending up hurt or hurting someone else. A lot of the time I need space to process things so that discussions can be productive discussions instead of fights. I know I need this space, it’s really important for me, so when I ask for this space I expect that to be okay, because that’s what I need and my needs matter too. I've been watching this court case because I think this is a really important case that creates a really Important conversation. But I will add that this trial, well pretty much just video and audio evidence, was extremely triggering for me and very hard to hear. I missed a lot of sleep because I was caught up in this case. I almost didn’t write this because of how triggering it was, but I'd already wasted so much time on it I figured I may as well have something to show for it. The trial is expected to last for 6 weeks and this week is the beginning of week 4, so there's still a fair bit to go. To start this discussion I'm going to talk about the videos/audio recordings, how my experiences relate, and then move on to witness testimony. 

So let's start with this audio recording: [caps mean yelling]

Amber: You are guaranteeing a fight when you do that [referring to him leaving too cool down] i’ve told you hundreds of times you guarantee it, if you were interested in not fighting, you would be respectful by saying you needed a few minutes and honor that. How can i trust you when you disappear for hours. If you want to be the person who needs space i can’t give that to you if you always let me down and fuck up

Johnny: if it happens [fighting] i’m just going to say I need some time 

Amber: i’m telling you that will make it worse, it guarantee you it will

Johnny: if you're talking about throwing punches 

Amber: I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THROWING PUNCHES I’m talking about an argument 

Johnny: right and during arguments you tend to throw punches 

Amber: I’m not talking about the times it gets physical, I'm talking about arguments. I’m talking about arguments, I’m talking about arguments. I'm talking about arguments. I'm talking about arguments. Earlier and earlier you split and you don’t deal with the issues, you don’t deal with confrontation and you split. 

 Recorded by Amber Heard 

So what I am getting from this recording is that Johnny tends to leave when there's confrontation. Me too man, Me too.. Anyways, what Amber is trying to say is that when he leaves during arguments she gets scared that it’s over because she doesn't know if he's coming back. Okay, reasonable. 

Johnny’s side of this seems to be that he gets frightened during their arguments, him leaving earlier and earlier is probably just because he's learned what to expect and he's trying to escape it before it escalates. Also he states that he leaves because she gets physical during arguments and she doesn’t deny this statement. My impression from that single recording is that Amber has serious abandonment issues and Johnny tries to escape whenever there's confrontation. Not exactly a good pairing. If they were emotionally aware enough to recognize that and ask for their needs they wouldn’t be in this mess right now, but hey we’re all human, we’re all fucked up somehow. Nobody gets out of here unscathed. Johnny states during questioning after the audio is played that he tends to leave to deescalate the situation. I identify a lot with Johnny. I don’t think you can really fake being a victim if you’ve never been one. There’s just things you can’t lie about because you couldn’t possibly know. Johnny “splitting” shows signs of fear to me. He’s afraid of Amber. He even states to his friend via text message that he married his mother, because his mother was abusive in the same way Amber is. OBJECTION HEARSAY 

Okay let’s transcribe the next one 

Amber: got anything else you want to say to me you piece of shit 

Johnny: I wish you the best (sarcasm)

Amber: Hey why don’t you fuck yourself, go suck your own dick I’ll write you a cheque for the extra sip I took you stingy old fucking piece of shit 

Johnny: you brought it up 

Amber: you did, you said not to drink your  wine 

Johnny: I didn’t say that? 

Amber: oh you didn’t? [sarcastically]

Johnny: I said I didn’t think you were looking for any more 

Amber says stuff from far away then gets close to the mic again and you hear 

Amber: I hope to God jacks step father teaches him how to be a man

Johnny: Hey, that's good, give me shit about my kids , just like in london. NEVER AGAIN stay away you don't exist, you will not be getting my words

Recorded by Johnny

From my personal experience what an abuser does is they take your vulnerabilities, insecurities and darkest secrets and they use them against you. For example, if I confided in my abuser that I was afraid to go to college they would take that info and use it to make me feel like shit about myself. “You’re never going to leave your mommy, you’ll never amount to anything, you’ll always be a nobody, you’re not going anywhere, you’re a baby” Is how my abuser would use that against me. Now if I told my current partner I was afraid of that, do you know what she would do? Fire me up. Pump me up. Remind me of all my successes and all the things that could go right for me. They would help me and support me through my vulnerabilities and insecurities and not use them against me. In this situation Amber is trying to hurt Johnny by striking him where it hurts. She's his spouse, he's probably confided in her about how he thinks he's not a good enough father. You know who thinks they aren't a good enough parent? Most parents. Johnny goes on to say after this recording that she frequently attacked his parenting. Always bringing his kids into the argument. “Too often” was the word he used. He goes on to state that his children are much more wise than he is, and they stopped coming around. Their relationship with them suffered because they didn’t like Amber, and they didn’t like the way she treated their father. They wrote him a letter explaining this, it’s been talked about in the trial but I’m unsure if it was evidence or not. Now let’s examine video evidence that Amber took. 

In said video, Johnny Depp can be seen pouring up a glass of wine. He sees that she’s taking a video and says “oh you got this going? Really?” to which she responds “i just started it” He goes on to start slamming cupboard doors and is visibly upset. She says “we were having such a good morning and now you’re acting like this” and he says “it didn’t happen to you did it” 

Now to add some context to the video - this is the day after his mother has passed away, and the same morning he found out someone had stolen 6 million dollars from him. So yeah he’s upset, and instead of comforting him, or giving him space, or just leaving him alone, she records him, and he gets mad. He never throws a punch, never touches her, and never calls her any names. But she sees him upset and makes it about her “we were having a good time and now you go and do this shit” basically is what she was saying. I’ve been upset like this before. Sometimes if something or multiple things pile up I break and I throw things while I cry. My partner silently waits until I calm down and then she holds me while I cry. When I was a kid I reacted like this more frequently. I had no emotional support and was being physically and psychologically abused. If I reacted this way to something that would upset any normal person, I was told I was the crazy one. What abusers do is they pick and they poke and prod; they push you and tear you down so much that eventually you snap and have this emotional blow up and then they turn it right around on you and tell you you’re the crazy one. They destroy you so much to get a reaction from you and as soon as you give it to them they blame everything on you and take no accountability. This is the only video where there's “proof” he's abusive but when you actually understand context it’s a whole different thing. Not to mention Amber recorded this video right. TMZ has been copywriting this video, which means TMZ owns the rights to this video, which means Amber sold that video to TMZ. 👀 His mom just fucking died and she recorded his emotional reaction and SOLD IT to TMZ. yeah, some wife. 

Okay, let’s collectively take a second and breathe and calm down…okay lets look at the next recording 

Johnny: if you lost memory of kicking me out the door,  hitting me..

Amber (interrupting): again, i’m sorry

Johnny: your memory has gone of you kicking in the bathroom door and hitting me in the skull

Amber: I was upset there was a lot going on and I was on ambient why are you obsessing over the fact i can’t remember the way you remember it, i said i was sorry

Fast Forward to later in the same conversation

Johnny: it’s not to get you mad it’s just to get out of a bad situation while it’s happening before it gets worse. In Australia when I lost the tip of my finger I went through 5 bathrooms and 2 bedrooms to…

Amber: to avoid talking to me

Johnny: to avoid the fight!

Amber: YOU DON’T ESCAPE THE FIGHT YOU ESCAPE THE SOLUTION YOU ESCAPE FIGURING IT OUT 

Johnny: No

Amber: WE CANNOT WORK IT OUT IF YOU ESCAPE TO THE BATHROOM EVERYTIME

Johnny: listen to me, a boxer can’t go 12 rounds without having a minute break 

Amber: I’M NOT NOT GIVING YOU A BREAK YOU DO IT AT THE BEGINNING OF AN ARGUMENT

Johnny: No there are rounds man and when it gets too hairy the ref splits them apart, all im saying is you cannot have a solution if the argument just keep mounting and mounting and mounting. I go to the bathroom and sit on the floor BAM BAM BAM here you come. I come out fight fight fight it gets crazy escalated, I go to another fucking bathrom KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK BANG BANG BANG you kept coming to get me 

Later the same conversation 

Amber: i didn't punch you, i didn't punch you by the way, i'm sorry that i didn't hit you across the face in a proper slap but i was hitting you, i did not punch you, babe you're not punched 

Johnny: don’t tell me what it feels like to be punched 

Amber: you didn’t get punched you got hit, I did not deck you, I fucking was hitting you, I don’t know what the motion of my hand actually was but you’re fine, I did not punch you I was hitting you. I’m not sitting here bitching about it you are, that’s the difference between me and you, you’re a fucking baby  YOU ARE SUCH A BABY GROW THE FUCK UP JOHNNY

Recorded by Johnny

WHO CAN GUESS WHAT THAT'S CALLED….

If you guessed gaslighting you’re correct! 10 points to Gryffindor! The thing that bothers me the most about this is that Johnny could fight back. He could meet violence with violence, but he never does..he just leaves. And you know what, once you’ve been a victim of abuse you know what arguments are worth fighting and what arguments you’re never going to get heard during so you may as well just leave. Sometimes arguing is hearing each other out and coming to a resolution, but if you know someone isn’t going to hear you there's no point to argue so just leave the situation. That’s how me, Brianna feels and behaves. Now in this situation she’s clearly admitting to being physical but is also downplaying the situation and demeaning Johnny for saying it’s not okay. Johnny goes on to explain to the court that this recording of Amber is the version of Amber he’s used to. He goes on to explain the fight that you hear on the recording. He explains that he was in the bathroom because he didn’t want to deal with the fighting but Amber kept banging on the door so he opened a crack to talk to her, and then she kept body slamming the door trying to get in while he was trying to hold the door closed. She ends up saying the door hurt her toes so he kneels down to check and then she kicks the door open and it hits him in the forehead. He says he was taken back by the move and said “what the fuck was that?” and then he was met with a bunch of fists. So later he goes on to record the discussion later because she’s making light of the situation and downplaying it. Imagine if the roles were reversed, and he was the one punching her and then calling her a baby.  Let’s examine another one shall we 

Amber: I’m not asking you to stay over walking away, I'm not asking you to have a blood bath, I’m asking you to work it out over prolonging it and making it bigger 

Johnny: right but if it gets heated and it's going somewhere nasty and the name calling begins, all that stuff, I've got to get away because I don’t want to ever be in a situation like that again, never. So don’t freak out if we do have a fight and I walk away 

Amber: I’m asking you to stay in the interest of working it out 

Johnny: I think it’s fair for us to take a moment or two, take some time to think by ourselves instead of being barraged by each other's bullshit. Let’s take a break from it and try to come back and be calm and walk through the thing but I’m not going to stand and fight with you, I will not, you can call me a coward anything you want

Amber: I DON’T WANT THAT

[Later in the same recording]

Johnny: okay great, let’s not do this anymore, let’s take our space because I'm really getting frustrated and I'm really really really sick of this argument okay? So let me go and you go and I'll speak to you in a couple hours okay? Okay?

Amber (crying): stop

Johnny: Why are you saying stop? May I go?

Amber (crying much harder): please it causes me so much pain and stress when you leave and walk away from me. You don’t understand how much worse you’re making this

Johnny: I can’t believe you’re doing this 

Amber: You’re making it worse for me 

Johnny(sarcastically): okay i'm sorry for you 

Amber: you are causing me immense stress right now 

Johnny: you won’t let me leave, let me leave 

Amber: STOP RUSHING ME STOP PUSHING ME 

Johnny: I'm not pushing you. Amber I need space and I will take my space whether you like it or not so we will speak to each other in a couple of hours okay? I hope you have some kind of revelation that makes you feel better. I hope I do too. We’ll talk when I get home or we won’t. We’ll finish this or we won’t finish it but this is not happening. 

Amber (crying hysterically): please stop i’m going to die I’m going to fucking die, you’re causing me so much stress please stop I feel like I’m going to  have a heart attack. Please stop please stop you’re such a fucking bully you’re so mean. Can we just have a  normal argument? A normal conversation? For the last hour I've been begging you to leave it at that and just go on with our night if we just allowed ourselves to have a normal argument. If we just allowed ourseleves to have a normal argument Please you’re killing me with this, you’re killing me, you’re fucking killing me 

Johnny: please i want you to just go, i want you to take your medicine i'm sorry that i’ve upset you 

Recording by Amber

In this situation you can tell that Johnny leaving to take a break is extremely debilitating for Amber. It’s not a regulated response to someone just taking a break to cool off. She needs him to stay. However, the fights escalates and Johnny doesn't want that so he needs to leave. So Johnny's need is space and Amber's need is no space. Exactly why it isn’t a good pair. I’ve actually found from listening to these recordings and videos that Johnny is able to articulate his needs very well. But Amber doesn’t really care about anyone else's needs but her own. And she expects other people to meet them for her.  They were only married for 15 months. This shit has been going on since 2016. It’s been 6 years of this crap all over a 15 month relationship. So she got what she wanted, he couldn’t just walk away. Let’s examine one more recording before we call it quits for the day. 

Johnny: This has been going on for too long Amber. We’ve just got to stop this, we've got to stop it… Amber i lost a fucking finger man, come on. I had a can of mineral spirits thrown at my nose

Amber: You can please tell people that it wasn’t a fair fight and see what the Jury and the judge thinks. Tell the world Johnny tell them I Johnny Depp, a man, I am a victim of domestic abuse’ and see how many people believe or side with you 

Johnny: yep 

Recording by Amber

She wasn’t wrong. I’m not even a Johnny Depp fan. I’ve never seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Edward scissor hands. I’ve only ever watched the Gene Wilder version of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. I saw that she accused him of domestic abuse and I believed her for no reason other than she’s a woman and she said so. One thing I know for sure about abusers is they twist reality to suit their narrative. They take instances where they are the abusers and they twist the truth and switch the roles. They become the victim. That’s how they keep their lies straight, take something real that happened and is easy to remember and just switch the roles around so they’re the victim. I’ve witnessed it happen many times. It’s disgusting, and it works. They love the sympathy they get. As a victim of abuse I feel like I can judge accurately who is the abusive one in these recordings. I’ve been Johnny Depp, I’ve been abused by an Amber Heard. In every single recording he’s trying to leave because he’s afraid of her. She records him and provokes him. He is not being a bully by calmly stating his needs. She is being a bully by not caring about them and gaslighting and calling him names. His exes came forward to support him. You know what Ambers Ex did? Charge her for domestic abuse after being physically assaulted by her. The thing that disgusts me the most about this entire thing is that she became a spokesperson for domestic violence. She can come out to the world as a victim of domestic violence and she became the face of that. Even teaming up with the ACLU to promote herself as a victim. She is the perpetrator. The perpetrator became the face of the domestic abuse survivors and to me that's the most despicable thing about this whole ordeal. 

Anyway, this is where I'm going to stop for the day. Next newsletter I'm going to talk about witness statements. Buckle up, it's going to get wild!

Thanks for reading this post, don’t forget to send it to your mom!